Temp-orary Insanity

Yesterday was a tears in the bathroom day.

I woke up with a headache, broke my glasses and spent the day in meetings. Not a stellar work day, but everyone has them once in a while. The thing that put me over the edge, was when I got home at 4:45 to find my kids eating lunch.

Yes, lunch. Their 2nd meal of the day was being consumed 8 hours after they'd been given breakfast by my husband. See, Dear A is on vacation again. And it's painful for everyone.

Because this vacation exceeds her contract, it's unpaid leave. We have a friend of Dear A's watching the kids for us a few hours each day, and have arranged shortened work days/alternate hours to cover off the rest, but she's charging a higher hourly rate. Dear A's making less and we're paying more. Painful, sure, but something I had sorted out and accepted.

The pain I'd forgotten (or blocked out maybe?) was the insanity around having a new caregiver in the mix. For some reason, I was thinking, "Ok, 2 weeks, no biggie. The kids know her, she's recommended...." instead of "Ok, I now have to train a new nanny, learn how to best communicate with a new person, re-sort out the dynamics of 3 caregivers in the house and so on and so on...." This blank on my part has resulted in backwards diapers, a runaway dog and the aforementioned food-less day for my kids. That's the part that really got to me yesterday - when my air-eater kid finally breaks down and asks for lunch you know he's really, really hungry. Realizing that, I felt like a really shitty mom. And had to hide in the bathroom for a quick cry.

Keeping Up with the Jones'...Nanny

Well, here's something I'd never considered:
I'm now spending money to keep my nanny, and kids, up with the other nannies & kids.

So far this year, I've bought a zoo membership, a science centre membership and a half dozen tickets to the theatre & other activities. I haven't been to the zoo or the new science centre. I took my kids to one show - the other two, they saw with Dear A and other nanny-ed kids.

It sucks that I don't get to go as often as Dear A does.

And it kind of feels like a double-whammy that we've bought these memberships so K can see his friends. We're lucky that we can budget for it, but its definitely a choice.

I shouldn't complain, and I'll try not to. I'll try to focus on all the great stuff he's seeing and learning. I mean, at least he's out of the mall play park right?

Wage Cuts for Foreign Workers - Wait, Its Not Good News

On Wednesday the Canadian government quietly changed labour rules regarding foreign temporary workers. Employers will now be allowed to pay them 15 per cent less than the average wage.

This isn't good news. Yes, we have an affordable childcare shortage, and yes, temporary foreign workers from the Phillipines and Hong Kong have been wonderful at filling that need. But, we shouldn't be solving problems on the backs of other humans. Regardless of nationality or citizenship, everyone needs to be treated fairly.

Human Resources Minister Diane Finley stated “We are taking action to ensure that the temporary foreign worker program support our economic recovery and effectively responds to local labour market demands,” at a manufacturing plant in Nisku, Alta.

The need for workers will only get worse as baby boomers age out and retire. The need for caregivers will also increase, as elder care is needed for ailing baby boomers. Instead of looking at policies that encourage workplace flexibility for families, the government is going for a short term, easy win. On the backs of others.


Here's a link to CBC article with more details.

When you work at home, who's the boss?

On the days I work from home, we have a pretty good system worked out. I'm usually a floor away from my kids, all baby monitors are shut off, and they usually head outside for part of the time. I have run into those moments though - when you're home and you can hear the kids acting out, and the nanny having to deal out some form of discipline. (Or not.)

So what's a work at home parent to do?

My usual stance is, "I'm not here." To be true to my work, and in my mind, honour the situation. I have to treat my at-home desk the same as my at-work desk. When I'm in the office, I can't hear what's happening with the kids, or how the nanny is handling a situation. The home office needs to be the same.

...I fell off that wagon today.

I could hear K spinning into a full-blown tantrum/fit and the baby screaming as lunch time approached. Dear A was doing her best, but there are days when life comes together into the hurricane and there's nothing you can do. So, I stepped in. I calmed K down and reminded him of the rules around our house. I honestly wasn't doing it to interfere. I wanted to help. But, afterwards, as I returned to my desk I wondered if I'd overstepped. I wondered if by stepping in I'd made it worse for Dear A in the long run.

I don't know the answer. I mean, I suppose, the situation is the same for all parents who have childcare, whether its mid-day or end of day, parents and caregivers each live the consequences of the others "parenting" choices.

It takes a village, right?

What Do You Get the Person Who Has Your Everything?

Hands up if you're done your Christmas shopping, stuck to your budget and have everything organized? (If you put your hand up it'll just make it easier for me to find and slap you!) Kidding!! But, it is that time of year, when holiday stress drives me to eat and drink. Lucky for me the food and drink this time of year is extra healthy and low-calorie....oh wait.

In particular, being on a reduced mat leave salary had made the looming Christmas and Nanny Bonus stressful, until I figured out a present that would work for both us and Dear A.

I know quite a few parents wrestle with the what/how much nanny Christmas present. In previous years I've looked for a gift that is nice, meets a need and then given a cash bonus as well. This year I was out of ideas on the jewellery/watch/luggage option that fit our budget and really, wanted to look at a non-thing present.

I asked Dear A about her plans for the holidays in passing and ended up with the perfect idea. It turned out she wasn't going to visit her friends due to her ride/co-travellers not having time off. So there was my idea: extra days off and a ticket to see her friends. It was a perfect solution - out of pocket it was less for us, and a more meaningful gift.

What are you getting your nanny? (And, what are you getting your sister in law? I'm out of ideas... thanks.)

PS - Just FYI, I did ask Dear A before purchasing her ticket. Wasn't going to have this #FAIL happen again!

Two Words That Struck Fear into My Heart

Open. Permit.

Scared Face.

As in Dear A got hers and can now apply for employment outside of our sponsorship and the Live In Caregiver Program. I almost didn't write about this because I'm terrified that someone will read this and come and steal her away. (Please don't.)

In the big picture, this is great news for someone I truly adore. Dear A has worked hard for this opportunity and it means she's one step closer to the life she wants to build in Canada, but... GULP, what if she leaves?

I've been thinking about it for a while - since we started the applications - and we've talked about it. I know that our new contract is good, and that she's happy with us. I know that always talking to her about part-time jobs, future jobs, schooling and ways for us to help her on that path will ensure no big surprises.  But, I also know the wait lists for good day homes and day cares in our neighbourhood and the problems families are facing finding childcare all over the city.

So, I'm still scared.

Alberta's Best Mama Bloggers

The last two weeks have been tough. We've got K into his pre-K routine, but he's not loving it yet, and really, neither am I. As is typical for fall, work has ramped up too. On one hand, I love the energy and creativity when business and communications planning ramps up in the fall, but on the other hand, I am brain drained.

So, as you can see, the blogging has been slow. So has the tweeting. (You can find me @shosized) I've been working on keeping my head above the water of school calendar, birthdays, Halloween, bill payments, business plans, dry cleaning, baby food making, garden harvesting... ergh, that reminds me I've got to find out what the family & inlaw thanksgiving plans are...giving thanks...still have to write the thank you cards from Baby Girls party....where was I? Oh yes, drowning.

I did get a life preserver though, a little bit of sunshine that reminded me how much I love this blog, love having this outlet, and that there are many many of us in the same boat out there.

I made the top 5 in Modern Mama Musing's list of Alberta's Best Mama Bloggers!

I really recommend checking out the list, each blogger is funny, frank and worth reading! Thanks Modern Mama! And thanks readers! xoxo!

PS: Baby Girl is now crawling. This makes working at home very very easy. Simple, really.
PPS: Yes, I am now using my prego-pillow as desk leg padding.

A Life Without

Dear A's back from holidays tomorrow. She's been off for three weeks. The first two weeks we were on a family mostly staycation. We missed Dear A but it was lovely to spend time together, sleeping in and goofing around. Last week we were both back at work, and juggling childcare. It was a challenging, and enlightening  dry-run for when, eventually, we are without a nanny.

So far I've realized:

Without a nanny, I will be at least 10lbs heavier. Since she's been gone, I've gained 4lbs. Chasing after my kids does burn calories but it's counter to the large amounts of crap food we eat when I don't have time to cook properly. And with Dear A, I can usually find 30 minutes to get some form of exercise, without having to pay for a gym with drop in childcare.

Without a nanny, the dog would be at least 10lbs heavier. Because Dear A can help manage the kids breakfasts, our dog gets at least a few minutes for a walk each morning. 


Without a nanny, my house would be at least 10lbs heavier... due to all the dust and dog and cat hair it accumulates daily. When Dear A's here, the house get swept every day, and dusted every few. With us... well lets just say even the dog is sneezing right now. I'm working on the child labour but neither one of them is there yet!

Without a nanny, my hubby'd probably be 10 lbs lighter because we'd never get any alone time so he'd probably be all about the working out etc. so he could have an affair. Well, maybe not quite, but we'd definitely get a lot less time together to re-connect and keep our marriage going.

All in all, a life without our nanny would be a lot heavier... and a lot less.

F*CK

Here's what happens when you have to beg and borrow childcare:

Tonight, K told me about "nuts."

"Its a Shhh bad word," that so-and-so's friend told him. I didn't get a clear picture of what else went down (talking to my 3 year old often reminds of my attempts to get subway directions in Turkey) but the gist implied an off colour conversation, and possibly a demonstration, with some older kids at the park. This was Day 2 of what is essentially an all week play date, because Dear A is away, and we both had to work. And now I'm left feeling annoyed, angry, and guilty.

I'm waffling between taking the next two days off to take care of him myself (which would wreak havoc on work) or having an uncomfortable and possibly ineffective (due to the hazy understanding of what really went down) conversation with the two nannies who are supervising the play date this week. Don't get me wrong, I think both are fantastic caregivers. I just think maybe the huge group care wasn't the best solution. Or maybe I'm just feeling guilty for not being at the park to help my kid navigate a situation that made him uncomfortable.

And so... F*CK!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sharing on Strollers (also on Calgary CBCRadio News)

I was interviewed today about "posh" strollers and had to admit that I have four. Yes. Four. Four brand name strollers.

I realize this doesn't help the "rich spoiled mom with a nanny" perception. While I was answering the reporter's question, I kept thinking, "Don't sound like a spoiled brat! ...Do I sound like a brat?" I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out (and you can to, just listen for a piece about strollers on CBC Radio during tomorrow's News segment.) However the interview turns out, I thought I'd share my thoughts here.

When we got pregnant and started looking for a stroller, I did some research and realized a few things:

• My stroller needs were going to be different from our nanny's
• I didn't want to buy a new larger car to fit a stroller, nor could I afford one
• I had to define and stick to a budget; and
• I am a snob. 

My Nanny Makes Me Look Good

See, because I have a nanny, I have tons of free time to work out. Bwaahahaha! Just kidding! For the truth, check out my recent article on Yummy Mummy Club: You Look Good...

Nanny Upgrade & Poll: What to do about Baby #2

So, I had our 2nd baby 4 months ago....

A baby girl. She's amazing! She's gorgeous, funny, smart and kind of looks like Winston Churchill. Amazing. I spend hours each day amazed. It means so much to me to be home to see her each day. I really missed out, going back to work so soon with K.

Luckily, this time, I've been able to structure it so I only work a few hours a day, from home, around Mini Churchill (MC)'s naps. I'm happy. She's happy. It's working. But its not going to work forever.

I've only got about 7 more months of this pseudo maternity leave leeway. And even now, I do occasionally need to leave her with Dear A so I can take a conference call or meeting. At this point MC isn't difficult. She's cuddly and I'm taking care of diaper and boob milk duty, so its mostly just fun. But, I have started to consider how to eventually transition her full-time into Dear A's care.

Personality Test: Learning About Nanny, Learning About Me

A few months ago I was asked to review a new online personality assessment system parents could use when screening potential nanny candidates. The experience taught me more about myself as a blogger than anything else.

TakeCare offers an online psychological assessment tailored for caregivers such as nannies, au pairs and babysitters. Its a series of True/False questions that determines your perception of right/wrong, theft, lying and more. I'd been asked to complete similar assessments when I was interviewing for jobs. I thought they really helped my future bosses understand me, so I agreed. These assessments could be valuable for anyone hiring for an in-home, child-related role: tutors, music teachers etc.

Anyway, I settled in front of the laptop, logged into the test and quickly realized...this won't work for me, or anyone like me who's hiring an ESL nanny. Gulp.

Does this seem like a good idea?

Came across a blog post today about poor treatment of live in caregivers. I've touched on this a few times because I think its really really crappy. But, the thing that gets me the most? Even if you are the type of horrible person who thinks that a foreign worker doesn't deserve a decent wage, isn't the well being of your kid worth more?

Here's the blog post: A Snapshot of the Vulnerable Underclass of Foreign Workers in Canada

Nanny Birthday Gift #FAIL

Dear A's birthday is coming up and as a gift, we rented her cabin for the weekend. Seemed like a good gift, big group outing etc. But then the gift fell apart and I was reminded of another aspect of life as a new immigrant, like my Dear A. Turns out their ride to the cabin fell through because the driver (and sole car owner in their group of friends) was promoted to shift supervisor and too worried to re-ask for the weekend off.

At first I was annoyed, but then I remembered my own days of scouring the "ride board" at university, hoping to bum a ride to go see friends or family. Or, my first few years of work when I wasn't sure if I could ask for all that vacation.... You forget how hard it is to run off for a weekend when you don't have a car, 4 weeks vacation a year, easy access to cash and all that.

I do still think the weekend away is a good gift, but I think next time I'll either do a gift certificate and cash to cover additional expenses, or maybe just cash. In the meantime... I may have a weekend at a cabin up for grabs.

Nannies, Playgroups & Preschools Oh My!

K is now 3 and a half. (Suppressing my TIME-IS-FLYING-BY!! panic for now. ) He knows the English alphabet, his numbers to 20, is potty-trained, reasonably polite, and able to communicate his needs. He even has a few friends that he plays with (well, next to, but the playing with is coming along.)

So, does he need to go to preschool? That's what I was wondering all of last month. As all moms do in this day and age, I took to Twitter & Facebook for advice. I realized it must be a hot topic, as I got 14 comments in 1 day.

Most of the parents with kids in daycare or dayhomes said "No." Parents with nannies and parents who were at home with their kids recommended some sort of out of house experience.

Every response fell into one of these categories, which made me realize they probably apply to all parents considering the next step in their childcare plan:

Nannies Don't Take Sick Days or The Sick Kid Circle

Last week Dear A asked to leave an hour early so she could go to a dentist appointment. Sure, no problem, I said, and arranged to start & leave work an hour earlier. The day before her appointment, in passing conversation it came out that her appointment wasn't a simple check up, it was dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth!!! Dear A, crazy, lovely lady that she is, was planning to have a tooth ripped out Tuesday at 4PM and then return to work 8AM the next day. It actually took convincing to get her to take the next day off. Explaining that she'd be in a fair amount of pain, and be unable to eat didn't convince her. She didn't agree until I mentioned that it might be risky to care for K while on pain meds.

No, I'm not going to go on about the Philipina nanny work ethic. It is what it is. What got me thinking was, does Dear A's crazy high bar for being sick enough for a sick day contribute to the whole sick kid circle we've got going on around here. K gets sick, a lot. And his nanny playdate buddies get sick a lot too. And there are days when I get home and realize sick K has been out with Dear A spreading around his germs. I've actually taken to suggesting K's activities (couch, movies, lots of juice) when I can tell he's culturing some kind of plague because if I didn't, I'm sure he'd be spreading disease all over the bouncy castle at our regular indoor playground.

I actually think this is a lesson all NEWmoms* need to share with their nannies. Empower your nanny to take sick days so that they recognize that everyone, especially kids, are better off in the long run if they bank some couch time when they are sick. And, notice I said empower. I'm not talking about taking back all control. I'm talking about educating and empowering so that you can let go and trust in the long run. (Ok, soapbox put away. Thanks for listening!)

*Nanny Enabled Working Mom

In the News - Discount Nannies in the US?

In Canada, we're dealing with changes to the live-in caregiver program that will increase recruitment and monthly costs. Apparently in the US, the soft economy has resulted in discount nannies.... Bigger question in my mind, should you be looking for discount childcare? Lets hit the poll - vote and leave your comments below!

In Case of Emergency and Nanny

A nearby city was in dire straits today. A winter storm swept in last night, knocked out power, closed roads and schools and even affected the water supply. Scary stuff.

We don't live in a particularly tornado/earthquake/flood ridden area, so I hadn't given much thought to emergency scenarios. We have some bottled water, granola bars, and I bought an 'emergency pack' from Costco a few years ago that is stored somewhere safe. (By safe, I mean, I have no idea where it is.) Besides arguing with my husband about the need for a firearm in case of total anarchy, (his scenario, not mine)  we've never discussed what we'd do as a family. And now, that family includes Dear A, who may be watching K when something goes down.

So, now, with input from K's dad who's all army and such, here's my plan:

He Likes Me, He Really Likes Me!

K cries when people leave him. He cries when we drop his aunt and uncle off after carpooling to family dinner. He cries when his grandparents head for the door after a quick visit. Most of all, K cries (bawls) when Dear A is done for the day. Huge tears, lots of pathetic “Nooo, my A. My AAAAA….” It’s extremely tragic and devastating.

The only farewell that doesn’t bring the tears each day is when we (Mommy and Daddy) leave for work. Equally tragic and devastating, but this time, for me.

He used to cry when we left and while most of me was relieved when he outgrew it, I can admit that part of me was sad. Add the histrionics everyone else gets on departure and lately it’s been a bit gutting.  But today, everything changed.