Keeping Up with the Jones'...Nanny

Well, here's something I'd never considered:
I'm now spending money to keep my nanny, and kids, up with the other nannies & kids.

So far this year, I've bought a zoo membership, a science centre membership and a half dozen tickets to the theatre & other activities. I haven't been to the zoo or the new science centre. I took my kids to one show - the other two, they saw with Dear A and other nanny-ed kids.

It sucks that I don't get to go as often as Dear A does.

And it kind of feels like a double-whammy that we've bought these memberships so K can see his friends. We're lucky that we can budget for it, but its definitely a choice.

I shouldn't complain, and I'll try not to. I'll try to focus on all the great stuff he's seeing and learning. I mean, at least he's out of the mall play park right?

Pre-K for my Baby K

We took K to his first day of pre-Kindergarten today. It was "kinda hard." His words. My feelings.

With all the books, puzzles, crafts, and a brand-new playground, I don't think the day was all that hard for K. It was a short morning of singing and playing with his best bud S. He got to use "zissors," which Mummy never allows at home.* And, he had us in tow to help with indoor shoes and cubbies.

It was definitely hard for me.

It was hard to not be furious with K's dad when he mentioned, the night before, all the things K needed for school. (More so, since I had had to miss the orientation meeting due to work.) It was hard to get us organized to be clothed, fed and out the door on time, even with Dear A to watch the baby girl. Most of all, it was hard to see my little baby boy at the playground surrounded by older kids on recess. He looked so tiny.

The next class is un-parented. I think it might be "kinda hard" on both of us.

*In my defense, we have stainless-steel-chop-through-a-raw-dead-bird scissors, so its not like I'm being crazy paranoid.

F*CK

Here's what happens when you have to beg and borrow childcare:

Tonight, K told me about "nuts."

"Its a Shhh bad word," that so-and-so's friend told him. I didn't get a clear picture of what else went down (talking to my 3 year old often reminds of my attempts to get subway directions in Turkey) but the gist implied an off colour conversation, and possibly a demonstration, with some older kids at the park. This was Day 2 of what is essentially an all week play date, because Dear A is away, and we both had to work. And now I'm left feeling annoyed, angry, and guilty.

I'm waffling between taking the next two days off to take care of him myself (which would wreak havoc on work) or having an uncomfortable and possibly ineffective (due to the hazy understanding of what really went down) conversation with the two nannies who are supervising the play date this week. Don't get me wrong, I think both are fantastic caregivers. I just think maybe the huge group care wasn't the best solution. Or maybe I'm just feeling guilty for not being at the park to help my kid navigate a situation that made him uncomfortable.

And so... F*CK!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nannies Don't Take Sick Days or The Sick Kid Circle

Last week Dear A asked to leave an hour early so she could go to a dentist appointment. Sure, no problem, I said, and arranged to start & leave work an hour earlier. The day before her appointment, in passing conversation it came out that her appointment wasn't a simple check up, it was dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth!!! Dear A, crazy, lovely lady that she is, was planning to have a tooth ripped out Tuesday at 4PM and then return to work 8AM the next day. It actually took convincing to get her to take the next day off. Explaining that she'd be in a fair amount of pain, and be unable to eat didn't convince her. She didn't agree until I mentioned that it might be risky to care for K while on pain meds.

No, I'm not going to go on about the Philipina nanny work ethic. It is what it is. What got me thinking was, does Dear A's crazy high bar for being sick enough for a sick day contribute to the whole sick kid circle we've got going on around here. K gets sick, a lot. And his nanny playdate buddies get sick a lot too. And there are days when I get home and realize sick K has been out with Dear A spreading around his germs. I've actually taken to suggesting K's activities (couch, movies, lots of juice) when I can tell he's culturing some kind of plague because if I didn't, I'm sure he'd be spreading disease all over the bouncy castle at our regular indoor playground.

I actually think this is a lesson all NEWmoms* need to share with their nannies. Empower your nanny to take sick days so that they recognize that everyone, especially kids, are better off in the long run if they bank some couch time when they are sick. And, notice I said empower. I'm not talking about taking back all control. I'm talking about educating and empowering so that you can let go and trust in the long run. (Ok, soapbox put away. Thanks for listening!)

*Nanny Enabled Working Mom

Nanny Playdate

We had a surprise visit last week. A newly arrived nanny was brought over to make friends with Dear A. It was a weird situation. While I don’t begrudge the new nanny a network of other Filipinos to make her life in this new country easier, through her employers 'drive-by nannying', I felt like some of that responsibility had been transferred to us. For me, its no problem. With this blog, I wanted friends, family, and strangers to have a place to go to for nanny-related stuff. Because Dear A didn't sign up for it, after the introductory 'play date', I took over. 

Dear A, of course was terrific. And, while it added a few tasks to my To Do list, it turned out fine. The new nanny was from the same area, so she was very comfortable talking to Dear A. I made a few calls and found another member of the community of the same religion, so she was able to attend Easter Sunday services and was invited to a party that evening. Connections made, problem solved.

It does highlight why its worth using a licensed, local agency rather than simply browsing online, though.

The new nanny was brought in using an agency in Toronto, not the one I used.  While our agent makes a point of introducing each nanny to a network of their peers, this nanny was left to meet her employer at the airport and had no connection to a community at all.

I would hope everyone would want their nanny to have interests and friends outside of the home. Other nannies are a great way to reach the local Filipino community, to understand Canadian culture and customs, and even trade childcare tips.

On that subject, the agency I used also offers ongoing ‘professional development’ for recruited nannies, and even extends courses to the parents. If you’re in Calgary, check out the sidebar for upcoming courses and go to www.nannyconnection.ca for more information.

And my tips if you're not in Calgary:*

1. Find out if your area has a Filipino community association
2. Help your nanny find a source for Filipino groceries or food
3. If she's religious, help your nanny find a nearby church

Pretty basic stuff, but worth mentioning IMHO.

* I'm specifying the Filipino community because my nanny is Filipino, but I would think this would apply to any foreign worker. And, as always, today’s tip content is offered as information only. Please conduct your own research or consult a professional for advice on your personal situation.