Temp-orary Insanity

Yesterday was a tears in the bathroom day.

I woke up with a headache, broke my glasses and spent the day in meetings. Not a stellar work day, but everyone has them once in a while. The thing that put me over the edge, was when I got home at 4:45 to find my kids eating lunch.

Yes, lunch. Their 2nd meal of the day was being consumed 8 hours after they'd been given breakfast by my husband. See, Dear A is on vacation again. And it's painful for everyone.

Because this vacation exceeds her contract, it's unpaid leave. We have a friend of Dear A's watching the kids for us a few hours each day, and have arranged shortened work days/alternate hours to cover off the rest, but she's charging a higher hourly rate. Dear A's making less and we're paying more. Painful, sure, but something I had sorted out and accepted.

The pain I'd forgotten (or blocked out maybe?) was the insanity around having a new caregiver in the mix. For some reason, I was thinking, "Ok, 2 weeks, no biggie. The kids know her, she's recommended...." instead of "Ok, I now have to train a new nanny, learn how to best communicate with a new person, re-sort out the dynamics of 3 caregivers in the house and so on and so on...." This blank on my part has resulted in backwards diapers, a runaway dog and the aforementioned food-less day for my kids. That's the part that really got to me yesterday - when my air-eater kid finally breaks down and asks for lunch you know he's really, really hungry. Realizing that, I felt like a really shitty mom. And had to hide in the bathroom for a quick cry.

When you work at home, who's the boss?

On the days I work from home, we have a pretty good system worked out. I'm usually a floor away from my kids, all baby monitors are shut off, and they usually head outside for part of the time. I have run into those moments though - when you're home and you can hear the kids acting out, and the nanny having to deal out some form of discipline. (Or not.)

So what's a work at home parent to do?

My usual stance is, "I'm not here." To be true to my work, and in my mind, honour the situation. I have to treat my at-home desk the same as my at-work desk. When I'm in the office, I can't hear what's happening with the kids, or how the nanny is handling a situation. The home office needs to be the same.

...I fell off that wagon today.

I could hear K spinning into a full-blown tantrum/fit and the baby screaming as lunch time approached. Dear A was doing her best, but there are days when life comes together into the hurricane and there's nothing you can do. So, I stepped in. I calmed K down and reminded him of the rules around our house. I honestly wasn't doing it to interfere. I wanted to help. But, afterwards, as I returned to my desk I wondered if I'd overstepped. I wondered if by stepping in I'd made it worse for Dear A in the long run.

I don't know the answer. I mean, I suppose, the situation is the same for all parents who have childcare, whether its mid-day or end of day, parents and caregivers each live the consequences of the others "parenting" choices.

It takes a village, right?