What Do You Get the Person Who Has Your Everything?

Hands up if you're done your Christmas shopping, stuck to your budget and have everything organized? (If you put your hand up it'll just make it easier for me to find and slap you!) Kidding!! But, it is that time of year, when holiday stress drives me to eat and drink. Lucky for me the food and drink this time of year is extra healthy and low-calorie....oh wait.

In particular, being on a reduced mat leave salary had made the looming Christmas and Nanny Bonus stressful, until I figured out a present that would work for both us and Dear A.

I know quite a few parents wrestle with the what/how much nanny Christmas present. In previous years I've looked for a gift that is nice, meets a need and then given a cash bonus as well. This year I was out of ideas on the jewellery/watch/luggage option that fit our budget and really, wanted to look at a non-thing present.

I asked Dear A about her plans for the holidays in passing and ended up with the perfect idea. It turned out she wasn't going to visit her friends due to her ride/co-travellers not having time off. So there was my idea: extra days off and a ticket to see her friends. It was a perfect solution - out of pocket it was less for us, and a more meaningful gift.

What are you getting your nanny? (And, what are you getting your sister in law? I'm out of ideas... thanks.)

PS - Just FYI, I did ask Dear A before purchasing her ticket. Wasn't going to have this #FAIL happen again!

Two Words That Struck Fear into My Heart

Open. Permit.

Scared Face.

As in Dear A got hers and can now apply for employment outside of our sponsorship and the Live In Caregiver Program. I almost didn't write about this because I'm terrified that someone will read this and come and steal her away. (Please don't.)

In the big picture, this is great news for someone I truly adore. Dear A has worked hard for this opportunity and it means she's one step closer to the life she wants to build in Canada, but... GULP, what if she leaves?

I've been thinking about it for a while - since we started the applications - and we've talked about it. I know that our new contract is good, and that she's happy with us. I know that always talking to her about part-time jobs, future jobs, schooling and ways for us to help her on that path will ensure no big surprises.  But, I also know the wait lists for good day homes and day cares in our neighbourhood and the problems families are facing finding childcare all over the city.

So, I'm still scared.

Went to Work, Missed a First of the Last

Another one of those days.... I went to a meeting while Dear A took both kids to the park, and discovered Baby Girl's love for the swing. Apparently she laughed hysterically and cried whenever the swing stopped. Another little personality moment that I didn't get to discover.

I'm sad that I missed this big first and feel like a bad parent because we hadn't thought to try her on the swing yet. Beyond the fact that K hated the swing until about a minute ago, and our expertise is coloured by "the first kid", its the classic working parent thing - you spend all week working and weekends get plugged up with social stuff and errands so you miss out on some of the basics. I'm also wondering if I haven't been delaying trying some of this stuff because I want her to stay a baby. My last baby... yeah, last, I'm pretty sure, no I'm sure...she's the last.

Being able to be home with her, more than I was with K, has been amazing. And that's tough. Its tough to let go of each little baby thing; the newborn onsies are packed away, the food mills gone, and the bassinets been donated. With each step, my last baby is becoming more "last" and less "baby."

Sidebar: Its My Birthday Today!

Ya, I'm behind on my posts. I've got four drafted, sort of brewing, and I know, I know, I owe you guys the Nanny Q&A too.... but guess what? Its my birthday and instead of "should"ing, I'm doing what I feel like! :-P

Today, I'm not blogging, I'm celebrating! 

Today, I'm 36. I have 2 perfect, PERFECT! kids, a happy marriage (hey, at least we can both see a light at the end of the baby-stress, job-stress tunnel.) I'm employed, and a good, smart worker. I've lost the baby weight. I make sure my family have healthy home cooked meals together almost every night. I have a great relationship with my parents, brother and sister in law. I live in a nice house and am a good neighbour. I volunteer for the food bank, because food has such meaning in my life that I can't bear the thought of others going hungry. I have happy, rescued pets, who's lives are better because of me. I have a best friend and am a good best friend. I keep learning. I am a good connector and try to help people if I can. Oh, and I'm the "Best Mommy Ever":

Guest Post: I'm the Nanny!

Those darned kids are teaching me stuff I never learned in school...

Now first off, this is my very first ever guest post. The rule of 'being nice to the new kid in class' applies here too! Secondly, after you're done reading this awesomely amazing (super nerdy) post, you have to go ask me a Q so i can give you an A. Easy enough right?

On the grown up side of the baby gate, a couple words about The Nanny ... for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week (and a bunch of weeks a year) I am a nanny. In all the other hours of the day I am a sorority girl, a bookworm, a girlfriend, & an avid solo movie goer. My blog, The Nanny by Day, is my way of sticking with my love of writing, getting out all my bubbling emotions, and of course, keeping track of the adventures I have with the two little girls who run my life. 

So what's it like being a nanny? It's like being a mom. But, without the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, the birthing, and the bills. Sounds like a pretty delightful time doesn't it? Most days, it is. Some days, it isn't. On mornings when I am met at the door by two smiling, excited girlies, I love my job. On mornings when I am met at the door by a chores list longer than my arm, or a little girl who only slept for two hours, or a 3 year old with an attitude worse than miranda from SATC, I still love my job. Just not as much. 

Q&A With A Nanny - Not Yours, Don't Worry!

One of the reasons I love Twitter (at shosized) is that I've made some random new friends. One of them is a very cool nanny from the Edmonton area (read her blog here) who's agreed to do a little Q&A for me.

So here's your chance to find out why some one would agree to look after your demon spawn for a living....

Email (shosized at hotmail dot com) or tweet (at shosized) me your questions by September 30th and stay tuned for the Answers Post!

Alberta's Best Mama Bloggers

The last two weeks have been tough. We've got K into his pre-K routine, but he's not loving it yet, and really, neither am I. As is typical for fall, work has ramped up too. On one hand, I love the energy and creativity when business and communications planning ramps up in the fall, but on the other hand, I am brain drained.

So, as you can see, the blogging has been slow. So has the tweeting. (You can find me @shosized) I've been working on keeping my head above the water of school calendar, birthdays, Halloween, bill payments, business plans, dry cleaning, baby food making, garden harvesting... ergh, that reminds me I've got to find out what the family & inlaw thanksgiving plans are...giving thanks...still have to write the thank you cards from Baby Girls party....where was I? Oh yes, drowning.

I did get a life preserver though, a little bit of sunshine that reminded me how much I love this blog, love having this outlet, and that there are many many of us in the same boat out there.

I made the top 5 in Modern Mama Musing's list of Alberta's Best Mama Bloggers!

I really recommend checking out the list, each blogger is funny, frank and worth reading! Thanks Modern Mama! And thanks readers! xoxo!

PS: Baby Girl is now crawling. This makes working at home very very easy. Simple, really.
PPS: Yes, I am now using my prego-pillow as desk leg padding.

Pre-K for my Baby K

We took K to his first day of pre-Kindergarten today. It was "kinda hard." His words. My feelings.

With all the books, puzzles, crafts, and a brand-new playground, I don't think the day was all that hard for K. It was a short morning of singing and playing with his best bud S. He got to use "zissors," which Mummy never allows at home.* And, he had us in tow to help with indoor shoes and cubbies.

It was definitely hard for me.

It was hard to not be furious with K's dad when he mentioned, the night before, all the things K needed for school. (More so, since I had had to miss the orientation meeting due to work.) It was hard to get us organized to be clothed, fed and out the door on time, even with Dear A to watch the baby girl. Most of all, it was hard to see my little baby boy at the playground surrounded by older kids on recess. He looked so tiny.

The next class is un-parented. I think it might be "kinda hard" on both of us.

*In my defense, we have stainless-steel-chop-through-a-raw-dead-bird scissors, so its not like I'm being crazy paranoid.

A Life Without

Dear A's back from holidays tomorrow. She's been off for three weeks. The first two weeks we were on a family mostly staycation. We missed Dear A but it was lovely to spend time together, sleeping in and goofing around. Last week we were both back at work, and juggling childcare. It was a challenging, and enlightening  dry-run for when, eventually, we are without a nanny.

So far I've realized:

Without a nanny, I will be at least 10lbs heavier. Since she's been gone, I've gained 4lbs. Chasing after my kids does burn calories but it's counter to the large amounts of crap food we eat when I don't have time to cook properly. And with Dear A, I can usually find 30 minutes to get some form of exercise, without having to pay for a gym with drop in childcare.

Without a nanny, the dog would be at least 10lbs heavier. Because Dear A can help manage the kids breakfasts, our dog gets at least a few minutes for a walk each morning. 


Without a nanny, my house would be at least 10lbs heavier... due to all the dust and dog and cat hair it accumulates daily. When Dear A's here, the house get swept every day, and dusted every few. With us... well lets just say even the dog is sneezing right now. I'm working on the child labour but neither one of them is there yet!

Without a nanny, my hubby'd probably be 10 lbs lighter because we'd never get any alone time so he'd probably be all about the working out etc. so he could have an affair. Well, maybe not quite, but we'd definitely get a lot less time together to re-connect and keep our marriage going.

All in all, a life without our nanny would be a lot heavier... and a lot less.

F*CK

Here's what happens when you have to beg and borrow childcare:

Tonight, K told me about "nuts."

"Its a Shhh bad word," that so-and-so's friend told him. I didn't get a clear picture of what else went down (talking to my 3 year old often reminds of my attempts to get subway directions in Turkey) but the gist implied an off colour conversation, and possibly a demonstration, with some older kids at the park. This was Day 2 of what is essentially an all week play date, because Dear A is away, and we both had to work. And now I'm left feeling annoyed, angry, and guilty.

I'm waffling between taking the next two days off to take care of him myself (which would wreak havoc on work) or having an uncomfortable and possibly ineffective (due to the hazy understanding of what really went down) conversation with the two nannies who are supervising the play date this week. Don't get me wrong, I think both are fantastic caregivers. I just think maybe the huge group care wasn't the best solution. Or maybe I'm just feeling guilty for not being at the park to help my kid navigate a situation that made him uncomfortable.

And so... F*CK!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Top 5 "You Didn't Know You Needed" Items for New Moms

If you've looked at my blog roll (on the side) or a few of my previous posts, you know that I'm a Yummy Mummy Club fan. This week they're sharing some Top 5 lists: Top 5 Purse Essentials When You Have Kids, Top 5 Yummy Summer Reads, which I thought were great.

Inspired I thought I'd share my own Top 5 "You Didn't Know You Needed" Items for a New Mom.

Now, I'm not thinking about big baby gifts here, I mean, the 5 things that every new mom needs to keep in her purse/diaper bag and wouldn't probably think to buy for herself. Gathered from the zillion times I've thought to myself, "Ergh. I forgot..."

Sharing on Strollers (also on Calgary CBCRadio News)

I was interviewed today about "posh" strollers and had to admit that I have four. Yes. Four. Four brand name strollers.

I realize this doesn't help the "rich spoiled mom with a nanny" perception. While I was answering the reporter's question, I kept thinking, "Don't sound like a spoiled brat! ...Do I sound like a brat?" I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out (and you can to, just listen for a piece about strollers on CBC Radio during tomorrow's News segment.) However the interview turns out, I thought I'd share my thoughts here.

When we got pregnant and started looking for a stroller, I did some research and realized a few things:

• My stroller needs were going to be different from our nanny's
• I didn't want to buy a new larger car to fit a stroller, nor could I afford one
• I had to define and stick to a budget; and
• I am a snob. 

My Nanny Makes Me Look Good

See, because I have a nanny, I have tons of free time to work out. Bwaahahaha! Just kidding! For the truth, check out my recent article on Yummy Mummy Club: You Look Good...

Nanny is Back. Mondays Suck.

Mondays suck because the nanny is back. Not because of Dear A. She's wonderful at her job. But if she is here, it means I'm not. After a weekend of piling everyone into our bed to read Grumpy Bird and picnic lunches beside the Thomas table, I will sit at my laptop while Dear A plays with  K and cuddles MC.

These days it's beyond working mom guilt to life guilt.

My kid has a Filipina accent. On Sunday...funny. On Monday...guilt.

My kid doesn't need his portable potty seat anymore. On Sunday... glad someone else deals with his shit most of the time. On Monday...guilt.

My baby will only take a bottle from Dear A. On Sunday... relief that I can crack a beer! On Monday... guilt.

Nanny Upgrade & Poll: What to do about Baby #2

So, I had our 2nd baby 4 months ago....

A baby girl. She's amazing! She's gorgeous, funny, smart and kind of looks like Winston Churchill. Amazing. I spend hours each day amazed. It means so much to me to be home to see her each day. I really missed out, going back to work so soon with K.

Luckily, this time, I've been able to structure it so I only work a few hours a day, from home, around Mini Churchill (MC)'s naps. I'm happy. She's happy. It's working. But its not going to work forever.

I've only got about 7 more months of this pseudo maternity leave leeway. And even now, I do occasionally need to leave her with Dear A so I can take a conference call or meeting. At this point MC isn't difficult. She's cuddly and I'm taking care of diaper and boob milk duty, so its mostly just fun. But, I have started to consider how to eventually transition her full-time into Dear A's care.

Personality Test: Learning About Nanny, Learning About Me

A few months ago I was asked to review a new online personality assessment system parents could use when screening potential nanny candidates. The experience taught me more about myself as a blogger than anything else.

TakeCare offers an online psychological assessment tailored for caregivers such as nannies, au pairs and babysitters. Its a series of True/False questions that determines your perception of right/wrong, theft, lying and more. I'd been asked to complete similar assessments when I was interviewing for jobs. I thought they really helped my future bosses understand me, so I agreed. These assessments could be valuable for anyone hiring for an in-home, child-related role: tutors, music teachers etc.

Anyway, I settled in front of the laptop, logged into the test and quickly realized...this won't work for me, or anyone like me who's hiring an ESL nanny. Gulp.

Does this seem like a good idea?

Came across a blog post today about poor treatment of live in caregivers. I've touched on this a few times because I think its really really crappy. But, the thing that gets me the most? Even if you are the type of horrible person who thinks that a foreign worker doesn't deserve a decent wage, isn't the well being of your kid worth more?

Here's the blog post: A Snapshot of the Vulnerable Underclass of Foreign Workers in Canada

Nanny Birthday Gift #FAIL

Dear A's birthday is coming up and as a gift, we rented her cabin for the weekend. Seemed like a good gift, big group outing etc. But then the gift fell apart and I was reminded of another aspect of life as a new immigrant, like my Dear A. Turns out their ride to the cabin fell through because the driver (and sole car owner in their group of friends) was promoted to shift supervisor and too worried to re-ask for the weekend off.

At first I was annoyed, but then I remembered my own days of scouring the "ride board" at university, hoping to bum a ride to go see friends or family. Or, my first few years of work when I wasn't sure if I could ask for all that vacation.... You forget how hard it is to run off for a weekend when you don't have a car, 4 weeks vacation a year, easy access to cash and all that.

I do still think the weekend away is a good gift, but I think next time I'll either do a gift certificate and cash to cover additional expenses, or maybe just cash. In the meantime... I may have a weekend at a cabin up for grabs.

Hump Day Distraction - Real, Live, Human Style

I wasn't planning to post a Hump Day Distraction today but through the lovely coincidences that make up our online world, I came across a terrific blog this morning.
 
Jenny Hamilton Style is written by a lawyer-mom-fashionista. She shares style tips, product tips etc. My favorite thing is that she's the model, so you see the styles on a real human as opposed to this freak of nature.

As you know, I'm 3 months post baby, and while I'm proud of myself for getting back on the treadmill etc, I'm a real human and seeing all those celeb post baby just pisses me off. I'd rather get real advice from real people.

Anyway, I've added her to my blogroll and suggest you check her out. Its also a great way to inspire a spring closet clean if you're up for it!

Nannies, Playgroups & Preschools Oh My!

K is now 3 and a half. (Suppressing my TIME-IS-FLYING-BY!! panic for now. ) He knows the English alphabet, his numbers to 20, is potty-trained, reasonably polite, and able to communicate his needs. He even has a few friends that he plays with (well, next to, but the playing with is coming along.)

So, does he need to go to preschool? That's what I was wondering all of last month. As all moms do in this day and age, I took to Twitter & Facebook for advice. I realized it must be a hot topic, as I got 14 comments in 1 day.

Most of the parents with kids in daycare or dayhomes said "No." Parents with nannies and parents who were at home with their kids recommended some sort of out of house experience.

Every response fell into one of these categories, which made me realize they probably apply to all parents considering the next step in their childcare plan:

Nannies Don't Take Sick Days or The Sick Kid Circle

Last week Dear A asked to leave an hour early so she could go to a dentist appointment. Sure, no problem, I said, and arranged to start & leave work an hour earlier. The day before her appointment, in passing conversation it came out that her appointment wasn't a simple check up, it was dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth!!! Dear A, crazy, lovely lady that she is, was planning to have a tooth ripped out Tuesday at 4PM and then return to work 8AM the next day. It actually took convincing to get her to take the next day off. Explaining that she'd be in a fair amount of pain, and be unable to eat didn't convince her. She didn't agree until I mentioned that it might be risky to care for K while on pain meds.

No, I'm not going to go on about the Philipina nanny work ethic. It is what it is. What got me thinking was, does Dear A's crazy high bar for being sick enough for a sick day contribute to the whole sick kid circle we've got going on around here. K gets sick, a lot. And his nanny playdate buddies get sick a lot too. And there are days when I get home and realize sick K has been out with Dear A spreading around his germs. I've actually taken to suggesting K's activities (couch, movies, lots of juice) when I can tell he's culturing some kind of plague because if I didn't, I'm sure he'd be spreading disease all over the bouncy castle at our regular indoor playground.

I actually think this is a lesson all NEWmoms* need to share with their nannies. Empower your nanny to take sick days so that they recognize that everyone, especially kids, are better off in the long run if they bank some couch time when they are sick. And, notice I said empower. I'm not talking about taking back all control. I'm talking about educating and empowering so that you can let go and trust in the long run. (Ok, soapbox put away. Thanks for listening!)

*Nanny Enabled Working Mom