Nanny Birthday Gift #FAIL

Dear A's birthday is coming up and as a gift, we rented her cabin for the weekend. Seemed like a good gift, big group outing etc. But then the gift fell apart and I was reminded of another aspect of life as a new immigrant, like my Dear A. Turns out their ride to the cabin fell through because the driver (and sole car owner in their group of friends) was promoted to shift supervisor and too worried to re-ask for the weekend off.

At first I was annoyed, but then I remembered my own days of scouring the "ride board" at university, hoping to bum a ride to go see friends or family. Or, my first few years of work when I wasn't sure if I could ask for all that vacation.... You forget how hard it is to run off for a weekend when you don't have a car, 4 weeks vacation a year, easy access to cash and all that.

I do still think the weekend away is a good gift, but I think next time I'll either do a gift certificate and cash to cover additional expenses, or maybe just cash. In the meantime... I may have a weekend at a cabin up for grabs.

Hump Day Distraction - Real, Live, Human Style

I wasn't planning to post a Hump Day Distraction today but through the lovely coincidences that make up our online world, I came across a terrific blog this morning.
 
Jenny Hamilton Style is written by a lawyer-mom-fashionista. She shares style tips, product tips etc. My favorite thing is that she's the model, so you see the styles on a real human as opposed to this freak of nature.

As you know, I'm 3 months post baby, and while I'm proud of myself for getting back on the treadmill etc, I'm a real human and seeing all those celeb post baby just pisses me off. I'd rather get real advice from real people.

Anyway, I've added her to my blogroll and suggest you check her out. Its also a great way to inspire a spring closet clean if you're up for it!

Nannies, Playgroups & Preschools Oh My!

K is now 3 and a half. (Suppressing my TIME-IS-FLYING-BY!! panic for now. ) He knows the English alphabet, his numbers to 20, is potty-trained, reasonably polite, and able to communicate his needs. He even has a few friends that he plays with (well, next to, but the playing with is coming along.)

So, does he need to go to preschool? That's what I was wondering all of last month. As all moms do in this day and age, I took to Twitter & Facebook for advice. I realized it must be a hot topic, as I got 14 comments in 1 day.

Most of the parents with kids in daycare or dayhomes said "No." Parents with nannies and parents who were at home with their kids recommended some sort of out of house experience.

Every response fell into one of these categories, which made me realize they probably apply to all parents considering the next step in their childcare plan:

Nannies Don't Take Sick Days or The Sick Kid Circle

Last week Dear A asked to leave an hour early so she could go to a dentist appointment. Sure, no problem, I said, and arranged to start & leave work an hour earlier. The day before her appointment, in passing conversation it came out that her appointment wasn't a simple check up, it was dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth!!! Dear A, crazy, lovely lady that she is, was planning to have a tooth ripped out Tuesday at 4PM and then return to work 8AM the next day. It actually took convincing to get her to take the next day off. Explaining that she'd be in a fair amount of pain, and be unable to eat didn't convince her. She didn't agree until I mentioned that it might be risky to care for K while on pain meds.

No, I'm not going to go on about the Philipina nanny work ethic. It is what it is. What got me thinking was, does Dear A's crazy high bar for being sick enough for a sick day contribute to the whole sick kid circle we've got going on around here. K gets sick, a lot. And his nanny playdate buddies get sick a lot too. And there are days when I get home and realize sick K has been out with Dear A spreading around his germs. I've actually taken to suggesting K's activities (couch, movies, lots of juice) when I can tell he's culturing some kind of plague because if I didn't, I'm sure he'd be spreading disease all over the bouncy castle at our regular indoor playground.

I actually think this is a lesson all NEWmoms* need to share with their nannies. Empower your nanny to take sick days so that they recognize that everyone, especially kids, are better off in the long run if they bank some couch time when they are sick. And, notice I said empower. I'm not talking about taking back all control. I'm talking about educating and empowering so that you can let go and trust in the long run. (Ok, soapbox put away. Thanks for listening!)

*Nanny Enabled Working Mom

Trust vs Control: What's the Right Way to Let Go?

As part of my NannyEnabledWorkingMom (NEWMom) effort to let go of my mom guilt and reduce some of my burden during this pregnancy, I was trying to be less controlling. My basic theory: You can’t let go of the “I’ve abandoned my child” thoughts if you don’t trust your caregiver. And, since you’ve chosen your caregiver, you should be able to give up control with no worries, right?

Well, it backfired on me recently, this mantra. I discovered that Dear A took K, on the bus, to the far south west of the city (we live centrally) on an unplanned, and worse still, personal errand.

Once the “if something had happened, I wouldn’t have known where he was…” panic subsided, I realized that while I have to give up micro-managing. I can’t give up managing.

The only way this whole guilt-free NEWMom manifesto is going to work is if we’ve made our expectations, rules, and intentions clear before handing over our children.

When K was a baby, we had a daily journal for Dear A and me to compare notes on how many ounces of milk he consumed, how many dirty diapers etc. I don’t know that this approach is practical for an older child. Instead, I’ve decided to come up with an updated weekly sheet where I can jot down my few notes for each day and open up the dialogue again on K’s day to day.

Email me if you'd like a copy of my test sheet. I’d love your feedback, comments etc.

We'll see how this goes. In the meantime, I'm going to keep repeating my mantra....

Baby on Board or Let the Nanny Poaching Begin

About 5 months ago, I started telling people I was pregnant with Baby #2.

I got a lot of the expected responses: "Yay!" "Congrats!" "Figured!" (that one coming from any one of my friends who saw me turn down a drink) and one that I hadn't really expected,

"What are you doing with your nanny?"

I had expected people to ask about maternity leave, since I hadn't been eligible last time. But, the nanny question wasn't a segue into mat leave. It was most often asked with a eye-gleam that automatically made me want to hide Dear A in the basement...

Not that I should be surprised, right? I mean, I even wrote an article a few months back about the effect of changes to the Live In Caregiver program and how I thought it could result in this type of scenario. But I didn't think it would happen that fast.

So far I've been asked out to lunch or coffee 3 times for nanny-related conversation, plus another 3 email messages. In all of the situations people were looking for advice or info, but were also wondering if I'd be willing to share (lend out?) my nanny during my mat leave. I thought about it, but the paperwork and logistics just seemed too complicated and risky... so, here I am, about to give birth again and looking at a short mat leave (just 4 months before I start working part time) so that we can keep Dear A.

Its the right decision for us, because I enjoy my work, and really think K will adjust to his new sibling better if we don't rip his best friend out of his life at the same time, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit we were influenced by the changes to the Live in Caregiver program and the shortage of good affordable childcare in the city. At least, I hope its the right decision. Ask me in April?

I'm Baaack!

I'm sorry its been months since my last post. I've thought about you pretty regularly but between the pregnancy and work, I just felt like I didn't have the mental or physical energy to write the way I wanted. Its bothered me, upset me really, that I shut off one of my favorite things in life, an important outlet for me. Then recently, a very smart person said to me, "You are so backwards - if you shut down the things you like, that inspire you and give you energy, you feel worse! Don't be so hard on yourself. Write what you want, when you can." And, well, they were right. Instead of having this fun outlet for my thoughts and feelings and concerns, I was just stewing about them late at night. Dumb dumb dumb.

So, I'm back. I may not post consistently, but I'll share as much as I can as often as I can. Its not like life with nanny, and all its challenges, stopped during the past 5 months. Believe me I have a lot to share! Talk to you soon!